Breaking News:
World Rugby has decided to implement a few rule changes and encourages everyone to embrace these rules without the usual criticism:
- The Rugby World Cup, The Rugby Championship, Currie Cup, and New Zealand’s NPC will no longer be recognized by World Rugby and wishes the countries, unions, players and fans the best of luck for their future.
- The only women’s competition that will be recognized by World Rugby from this day forth will be the Women’s 6 Nations.
- Furthermore, any nation or union that wishes to establish their own competition, will waver their right to name this competition and will only be recognized as “Custom”.
- World Rugby hopes that all players playing for their current club or country is very happy where they are as they will now stay with this team…forever. There shall be no more transfers in the future.
- To avoid potential trouble with neighbours, World Rugby has decided to ban all singing of national anthems as well as war dances before the start of a match, although regrettable, we don’t want any noise complaints.
- Furthermore, all crowds who wish to enjoy watching their teams play live will be required to keep the noise to a level not exceeding 50 Decibals, this of course is to keep in mind the real dangers of noise damage to each person’s ears…Health and Safety Regulations, what can you do?
- Speaking of Health and Safety, all commentators will be required to keep the excitement in their voices to a minimum so as to avoid potential heart attacks. Commentators will also be required to occasionally make no sense or blabber on in an accent that no one understands.
- Commentators will also be required to ridicule every kick to touch from a penalty.
- World Rugby wishes to inform every player that tackling will no longer be seen as mandatory, if you want to watch your opponent run right past you, then that is your choice and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.
- Should your team choose to not use all of its allowed 5 players to enter the ruck, the players that have not entered will ONLY be allowed to stand in the way of the Scrumhalf when they want to pass, and are encouraged to make sure that they block the ball from moving to the backline.
- Although an attacking team will be able to fend almost anyone at any given phase of their attack, they will be encouraged to keep the fend to only one per player, if you have fended someone, you cannot do this again and will be required to accept your fate and be tackled.
- All weaker teams should take note that they will only be allowed one phase of attack should they have possession. If you don’t score a try in that one phase, you will lose the ball at the breakdown.
- Offside rules will no longer make any sense, sometimes a forward pass will be called offside and sometimes not. Sometimes a player that is in the process of getting into position and not have any effect whatsoever on the opposition attack will be called offside and sometimes not. We don’t know either, just deal with it.
- Similarly, knock-ons will also be called at completely random moments, isn’t that exciting?
- The only way a scrum will be allowed to be won is if your number 8 picks the ball and runs, anything else will result in a mandatory collapse and a penalty will be awarded to the opposition.
- Pack weights and player ability will also no longer matter in the scrum.
- All weaker teams are encouraged to accept the fact that they will never win a lineout ever again.
- Set plays and support runners will now be considered redundant, we want to see how far a player can run before having to throw the ball back 30m to the next available teammate.
- All penalties being kicked to touch will now be kicked using the left boot, let’s keep things interesting.
- All penalties at goal may not exceed a distance of 25m from the goal posts.
- There will be no more nervous moments of defence 5m from a tryline, Health and Safety remember, all players will now be allowed to dive 5m from a tryline, untouched, to score a try.
- All fullbacks will from now on be encouraged to not catch any balls kicked their way, instead let the ball bounce and dribble it into touch soccer style to hand the opposition a well placed lineout.
- World Rugby wishes to inform all teams defending a maul that it will only be allowed to be defended successfully if All you forwards have entered the maul, pack weights will no longer be considered relevant.
- Using modern technology, World Rugby has designed a new material that makes the ball never stop rolling, in fact, it may gain speed over a distance of 80m plus.
- All seriously injured players will be required to stay on the field and continue playing until there is a break in play, we don’t have time for your whining.
- Lastly, should anyone decide to lodge a complaint to World Rugby on any of these rules, they will be encouraged to submit a ticket and, although we cannot promise satisfaction, we can promise a complementary improved stability while you wait.
World Rugby would like to thank everyone for understanding these rule changes and promise that it will all make sense eventually.
just wanted to bring some smiles
